I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
