She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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