is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We need a shit load of segways right now
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
