I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
