Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
