I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
