he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
