I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
