She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
