You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
