Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
