Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
