I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
