Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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