Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
