Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
