The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
