I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
