i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
