her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
