Just cropdusted the office
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
