I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
