i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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