Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
