I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
