everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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