You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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