If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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