i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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