Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
