Kiss
Puke
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
