How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
We talked him into tasing himself.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
