I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
40s are totally the cure
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
