i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you would pick up someone in the library
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
