you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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