Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
