I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
