I can text with my tongue
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
