WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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