Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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