It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Of course I have a pirate flag
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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