Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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