fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
