Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
