nut hugger
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
