why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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