Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
