just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
