She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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