3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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