i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
