Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
