I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Are we still banned from the library?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
