I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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